do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize