I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
