i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
