Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
