I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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