Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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