I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Swine flu is the new snow day.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize