SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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