brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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