So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize