I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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