You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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