And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
