i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
