If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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