what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
