All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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