Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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