She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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