yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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