Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
