somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I see more hoeing in ur future
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