it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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