FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dicks are not precious.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
