There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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