we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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