he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
