So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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