I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
