a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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