im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's always time for handjobs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
COCAINE IS GR8
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
