so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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