Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize