I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
