I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
did i just pee glitter
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
