I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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