Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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