I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
