I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am puke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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