He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
