OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
