Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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