i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
