i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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