she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
