your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
