my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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