You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
