i just google imaged poop.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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