Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
