im six kinds of drunk right now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
