Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
