he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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