I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
