i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
