I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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