You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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