The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
