if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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