craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
