And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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