Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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