He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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