I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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