if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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